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One Side: Beth

At times she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?